August 02, 2010
Give Away
Women can get worn down by children who seem to test them beyond their limits. One of our exasperated anthems becomes, “Wait until your father gets home.” I don’t think we realize that by using that statement we’ve in essence relinquished our authority to our husbands. Certainly women are to be in submission to husbands and to men in authority, however we’re not told to abdicate authority positions than have been given to us.
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Gail;
-----Form a husband’s point of view, it is somewhat exasperating to get home from work and have to deal with a child who didn’t wipe the crumbs from the table after lunch. It is even more exasperating to be expected to meet out some sort of excruciating punishment for something that could have been easily handled at the moment, maybe with a bit of wry humor. Raising children is about training children, and much of training involves simply instilling good habits. For that we have many techniques ranging from light hearted inspiration to making unpleasant consequences. But most of them are effective only at the moment and are best selected according to what will evoke the most enlightenment from the personality and character of the particular child within the specific situation.
-----It is when training the child becomes an objective secondary to alleviating the emotional responses his misbehavior caused within ourselves that we begin to develop troubled relationships. Mom and dad are the adults. One of the more important habits needed by adults is the ability to inwardly dissipate the emotional effects of undesirable situations. That increases the parent’s chances of selecting a response better tailored to training about the situation than to salving her own anger or disappointment. And it exemplifies for the child the benefits of sidestepping the emotional aspects of problems so that the heart of an issue can be addressed by better mental clarity.
-----I think some moms make junior wait for dad to get home as a way to bring this clarity to the situation. But in so doing they have traded off the effectiveness of dealing with the problem at the moment for the opportunity of not having to deal with their own emotions. In short, because they have not mastered the emotions, they have not trained the child. That means it is going to happen again. That means the frustration will not only be again, but will also be more. I think it is obvious where this goes. And it goes there all the same whatever the reason mom has for waiting until dad gets home.
-----”But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control...” (Gal 5:22) Notice there is an emotional aspect to each of these traits, and that the emotional aspect of self-control is in the very submission of the emotional state to spiritual ends. Also notice that all training of the child has a spiritual vein running through it. Like the veins in your body carry blood to the body, the veins of training must carry the Spirit to the training. Since these listed traits are of the Spirit, they are what must be carried to the training. It is important to bring one’s own emotions under self-control, so even when the situation requires consequences they can be faithfully meted out with gentleness and kindness through the love that seeks joy in the peace of mutually good behavior, while patiently understanding the gradual process which learning is. And if the gravity of the situation rises to the need of dad’s involvement, waiting for him to get home will be only for additional training.
Love you all,
Steve Corey
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