May 08, 2012
Shy Guy
In my last few newsletter interviews the subjects were one man and two
women who ranged in age from 64 to 22 years. All three are active in the
church, well founded in their faith and they all described themselves as shy.
Normally when someone confesses to being shy, or even painfully shy, we
consider it part of their character and accept them as they are. We work around
their shyness to help make them feel more comfortable and we go out of our way
to be inclusive. I’m now wondering if people ever consider their shyness as
something to put at the feet of the Lord or do they simply plan on carrying it
with them to the pearly gates.
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Gail;
-----This must be a different day than what I grew up in. I waited many years for people to reach out and include me. Rarely did anyone. For other reasons I never felt I belonged. So I never felt welcome unless I was invited. And I was never invited because I never made myself available to be known. Through high school I wasn’t too shy around friends, but I had few of those because I was shy around everyone else. Since high school, until the last ten years or so, I’ve been shy around most everyone.
-----Shyness is kind of sad. It usually exists from he lack of emotional processes for sorting and delivering responses to actions, events, and circumstances in the neighborhood plus outright fear. Studying cultural norms, good etiquette, and politeness helps some, but at the roots, shyness is not a cognitive thing. Good social skills are more like pole-vaulting skills or skiing or dancing or swimming skills. You can know everything in the world about the amount of force required to vault 180 pounds over a bar, how gravity overcomes friction on a slope, how rhythm makes music, or about whatever it takes to bob around in water (can’t swim.) But all of these actual skills are acquired by progressively working into their doing.
-----I suppose shyness is well received by its owner mostly because we believe that we are who we are. So if we’re shy, then ok, we’re shy; accept it; live it. Then we actually become quite good at it. We can be born with a natural inclination towards it. But we’re born with many more elements of inner nature that we must overcome. Some philosopher (can’t remember his name right off hand) said that every newborn baby is a barbarian which must be civilized. Therefore innate nature is no excuse; shyness can be overcome.
-----However, it has its place. But it’s having your soul is a prison. It shackles self-expression. It withholds people from deep and meaningful fellowship and restricts their access within the market of goods, services, and jobs. Yet the soul having shyness can be great because shyness is one-half of godliness like poisonous sodium is one-half of table salt. When combined with wisdom and humility, the self-repressive poison of shyness becomes fruit of the Spirit: self-control. And self-control is necessary to learning and expressing gentleness, kindness, goodness, joy, patience, faithfulness, and love.
Love you all,
Steve Corey
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