June 01, 2007
Terminal
Although my 61 year-old sister has battled both lung and brain cancer, the word ‘terminal’ has never been part of her vocabulary. Even as her health deteriorates, she continues to deny the doctor’s prognosis. During a recent meeting with Social Services, Shelly flatly rejected the notion of Hospice with, “it’s not yet needed”. Trying to break through her defensiveness the clinician finally had to ask, “Shelly, how will you know when you need Hospice?” She replied, “I’ll know. I’ll just know.” Not unlike Shelly, many of us rely totally on our own discernment. It’s no wonder we sometimes feel God is pulling the rug out from under us – it’s the only way He can get our attention.
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Gail;
-----When I was 19 I knew a very devoted Christian couple. He was 86 and in a nursing home because he had become just too difficult for her to care for at home. Although he was quite healthy, his mobility had deteriorated. She spent much of her time every day at the nursing home with him. I visited him once a week, too, and he was always cheerful and never at a loss for words - until she didn’t come to see him one morning. She had passed away. His words and cheer passed away with her. He refused to give his attention to anyone. He died ten days later.
-----I learned from this couple the reality of the will to live. Your sister’s will to live sounds strong. And I have always believed that sometimes death does not come unannounced. I think that sometimes God allows assurances of perception regarding what is coming before it arrives. For example, last summer there where a few large and heavy lava rocks at the end of our 1/3 mile long drive way that I wanted to bring home. I needed my pick up (Willie) and backhoe (Scoopy-Doo) both there to load the rocks. Char was in town, so I could not ask her to follow me out and bring me back to get Scoopy-Doo. I reasoned that it was not too far for my chubby little body to walk, but I kept getting this assuring thought that when I drove Willie to the end of the lane, Char would arrive to bring me back. So I proceeded on that assurance. And as I checked oil levels, cleaned out the back of Willie, and readied Scoopy-Doo, I kept thinking, “I suppose I should leave now so I don’t miss Char.” But that assuring perception kept responding, “It doesn’t matter when you leave. When you park Willie at the end of the lane she will come.” The funny thing is that I actually believed that perception and ignored my logic.
----I parked Willie a short distance off the end of our lane and started walking with the thought in mind that it had been a cute little perception, but how meaningless a thing to take serious. However, by the time I came to the shoulder of our drive way, Char rolled around the corner. I climbed into her car as if that were the way it was meant to be. I guess it was. I don’t know why God would deal with such trivia in this way except just to dish out a warm fuzzy.
----But maybe more. I have had similar experiences, but not so striking. That experience verified to me that God still chooses to announce events to come whenever and for whatever He pleases. And when I think of your sister’s response to the question of the clinician, I just have to admit that maybe indeed she will know when it is time to relax that will to live.
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