December 11, 2007
It's in the Genes
During a time of jesting and verbal sparing my husband Bill noticed an undeniable family characteristic in our daughter. “It must be in the genes because you’re acting just like a Marvel.” Leslie responded, “Yes, but those genes were dormant until someone started aggravating them.” I can so totally relate…I go along pretty well in my Christian walk until someone stirs up the genes of my sinful nature.
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Gail;
-----I remember an informational piece I used to hear on the radio several years ago. The lady, a child psychologist, was talking about children who were in the throws of an asthma attack. She said that you need to get down in front of the child on a knee, very face to face, breathing in rhythm with him. Then getting his full attention, tell him, “Breathe with me. Breathe like I do.” Well, that is easy for him to do because from his perspective, he is already breathing like you. Only it is you that are breathing like him. When you sense that you have his co-operation, begin slowly returning your breathing to normal, continuing to encourage him to breathe like you do.
-----I remembered this piece of advice so well, because, although I have never been around a child or adult whose having an asthma attack, I’ve known the principle and have more subtly used it in different situations. Often, when I catch myself in a heated argument, and have the self-discipline to de-escalate, I will do so in steps, offering little tidbits of concession along the way to chum my opponent into following. Sometimes I have jumped into a heated argument between friends, then done the same. If the people involved are reasonable and relatively respectful, they will de-escalate with you.
-----God made us with a certain mirror like quality. I call it the mimic principle. Psychologists study it in infants, both human and those of other various lab-animals. They find that it is very hard wired into our neurology at a basic level. Observe the cough pattern in a filled auditorium, for example, or notice how often you and your friend reach for your coffee at the same time or adjust yourself in your chairs simultaneously. Sometimes when there is a bit of discomfort in the air, one has to rather be on guard against such reflecting. It is the principle that makes for culture, trouble, or great movements of social change when it joins the reasoning process. And it is very handy when you are involved with reasonable, descent people.
-----But some people learn to keep their mirrors fogged. Some are independent and very maverick. Others are certain that they have been created to be reflected rather than to do reflecting. Either type seems to almost deliberately resist reflecting anything around them. Although these types can be annoying, and even destructive by their unwillingness to participate in the culture of their surroundings, their non-reflectivity is a trait we must also use as children of a Holy God. On the one hand, what gets reflected by enough people to comprise a tipping point will become, at least temporarily, a cultural change. Some things are not good for the culture. One should not want to participate in validating a detrimental change by reflecting the garbage of that change. On the other hand, the mimic principle that is the mechanism of our reflective nature is not as passive as that of a mirror. The mirror reflects whatever and whenever without any change or effect upon itself what-so-ever. But when we reflect we somewhat participate. When we participate we somewhat become. And the more we reflect the more we become. The more we become, of course, the more we change. We need to learn to fog our reflective qualities when necessary, and to polish them when necessary. Because it is there, we need to use it for our improvement, or it will use us to our degradation.
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