June 22, 2007
Guardianship
My family and another family at church find ourselves in a similar crisis where we are trying to care for an elderly at-risk relative. However, our efforts are being thwarted and undermined by acquaintances outside the family. In my case these intruders convinced my aunt to appoint them as guardian and conservator. We are now in the process of going through the court system in order to protect my aunt from her meddling ‘friends’. Since the courts move at a snails pace I have plenty of time to look for Biblical insights, but I’m coming up with more questions than answers. As Jesus hung on the cross, he “… saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Dear woman, here is your son,’ and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.” John 19:26-27 NIV. It sounds to me like Jesus just gave guardianship of his mother Mary to his disciple John. If Mary were being neglected, abused or had no other living relatives I could readily understand Jesus making provisions for her care. I wonder if James and the other siblings were as frustrated as I am when their mother’s guardianship was given to someone outside the family?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Gail;
-----Jesus knew His temporal destiny. His death on the cross did not take Him by surprise. So why had He not made such an important arrangement as the care of His mother during the preceding few days? Or should we assume by this statement made from the cross that He did not previously discuss the matter with both John and His mother? Whether or not Jesus had premeditated His decision and discussed it earlier, there are some points in it obvious to the possible reasoning behind it.
-----So far, Jesus’ brothers were continuing to reject Him. Jesus regarded His message of new life as more important than the temporal matters his brothers had been chosing. John not only had accepted Him, but he also had become closest to Him. By reading John and I John for perspective, one can easily see the more spiritual bent in John’s nature and his deeper insight into Jesus’ first priorities: love God with all your being, and love others as you do yourself. John’s understanding was validated by his action. There at the most difficult of Jesus’ physical moments was compassionate John. And this is probably why John had become the closest to Jesus, his heart was compassionate and real.
-----Things happen all around us in this life that I do not think are mere happenstance. History belongs to Jesus Christ. I believe the tiny moments of life are each carefully placed into position by Him like a mosaic. God is big enough that John was not only the right pick for the care of Mary, but he was also where he needed to be in order for her care to be handed to him. And I believe those two facts are related through his sincere compassion.
-----With your aunt, maybe the friends had merely been in the right place at the wrong time when your aunt felt the need to give herself into the care of another. The power of the moment often overwhelms our deeper judgments, especially in older people. If so, maybe the effect God needs to have on this bit of history is through another who knows its subtle wrongs and rights. For the determining factor in all decisions and attitudes is always what gives benefit to the aunt. Maybe that benefit is through the hands of the friends, but maybe it is through interference by someone who knows subtle truths.
-----One of my clients became very alarmed regarding the care her relative was being given by an unrelated friend who had been appointed conservator, just like your situation. The concern was not only for this elderly lady’s substantial liquid assets, but also it was for health decisions. My client engaged an attorney who challenged the situation in court and requested me to act as conservator. I stepped into the matter really hoping there was some other way, and was granted my hopes. The court carefully examined the relationship between the elderly lady and the conservator she had chosen and became comfortable with that decision. However, the court was not comfortable with the conservator’s unaccountability to anyone, and required that she submit periodic financial reports to the court. The fuss paid off. The elderly lady’s assets were brought under the watch of the court to her benefit. By the end, all bits of history will have given their final benefit to Him, either directly, or indirectly.
Hey Steve,
I hear what you’re saying and have had some of those thoughts too. However, part of my problem is with Scripture such as the wheat and the tares growing together, the unbelieving husband might be saved through a believing wife and slaves remaining under their masters rule (unless they can gain their freedom). I don’t understand the thought of Mary being separated from her biological family just because they might not yet have come to accept Jesus as the Son of God.
Gail;
-----As your July 4 blog recognizes, we have grown up in a system of great freedom and individualism. We have developed a deep sense of possession that reaches even into our relationships. Blood relatives are going to see possession of the relationship with your aunt on the basis of family alone. But friends are going to see possession based on involvement. Personally, I believe that the two perspectives do not represent right or wrong - wheat or tare. I believe they represent valid facts and circumstances that must be taken together in determining primarily what is best for the aunt, and secondarily, what is best for those who love the aunt.
-----I would like to think that Jesus had this consideration already pondered and determined by the time He laid the responsibility for His mother upon John. And by His ability to see into situations and souls, He would have been able to just know what would be right for His mother and everyone else involved. But I can not project myself upon Jesus to presume that He approached the situation so analytically. For all we really know, He may have committed the care of Mary to John on the simple basis that John was the only man of His following available at the moment to receive the responsibility. God does work that way as well.
-----So, at the end of the thinking, I do not soundly believe that this event in Jesus’ history necessarily presents Scriptural imperative for your situation. If I were in your situation, I would consider all of the facts and circumstances which would effect the best benefit to your aunt and which would work to her best joy. If your aunt came from stock that holds family very high, you may well need to fight hard to keep the responsibility for her within the family, even if the friends know her more closely. Your aunt is losing much of her freedom and individuality to her infirmity. It is important that she does not feel that her guardians are her captors. It is important to see the situation through her eyes as much as is possible, in as much as what she sees actually is to her benefit. It is not simple.
Post a Comment