August 23, 2007
Would Emily Post Agree?
When I read Paul’s instruction concerning virgins (1 Cor 7:25-39) I form a mental picture of an older fiancée waiting patiently for years for her man to get on with the wedding. Expounding on the situation brother Paul says, “But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.”(Vs. 37-38 NIV) Excuse me? I think Paul is overlooking engagement etiquette and good manners here. Exactly where does a 40 year-old rejected virgin go? From what we know of NT society I doubt if her daddy is thrilled that the wedding has been cancelled. No doubt Paul knows what he’s talking about, but for me his advice fails to dovetail with other Scripture – for starters, ‘Do unto others… and Letting your Yes be Yes…’
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Gail;
-----So, you’re questioning Paul a bit? Holding the Bible up to the light? While you are in the questioning mode, throw this one out: How does it square with Romans 15:2, “Each of us should please his neighbor…” or Philippians 2:4, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Or Galatians 6:10, “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
-----But maybe that is just the rub - if the man is so inclined to not marry his virgin, it may be good for her. In the Hebrew way of seeing the woman’s role, she will adjust her interests to his, and then be pleased with the new condition of her life. It was a much different world then than it is now. The fact the man even had the ability to hold a woman in an engagement relationship by his will alone indicates how different it was. The man was indeed the head of the household, and apparently, of the engagement relationship as well.
-----It is not the only controlling relationship the Bible endorses by circumstantial instruction. Leviticus 25:44-46 gives instruction regarding the acquisition of slaves. Ephesians 6:5-9 instructs slaves and masters in the basics of their relationship to one another. It does not instruct the master to let the slave go free because slavery is wrong, nor does it instruct the man to let his betrothed go free because the betrothal is wrong. Instead, it treats each as another condition of life with no value judgments attached.
-----What I love so much about God is that He is so great and so in control that He does not have to interfere with our cultural defects. He simply gives us a Spirit, a Word, and some joy resulting from the yielding of ourselves to that Spirit in obedience to His Word. Then cultural defects begin to melt away in the generated warmth of godly activity. His Word calls us to thoughtfulness towards each other to the extent of experiencing each others feelings (Romans 12:15), taking their interests into consideration as well as our own, and actually trying to please each other. The Bible does not excuse husbands from treating their wives considerately, or fathers their children, masters their slaves, rulers their subjects, elders their flock, or men their betrothed. If you are human, you are thus commanded. Then the wives are also to direct their attention towards their husbands, children towards their parents, slaves to their masters, subjects to their rulers, and the flock to their elders. It’s that geeky Chip and Dale thing again.
-----Leviticus 19:20 indicates that there was a process by which a man could free a woman wanting out of her engagement. I may be entirely wrong about this, but it seems to me that part of the concept of “propriety” involves instruction from the Word of God. If a man felt it necessary to not marry his virgin, then, by propriety of Scripture, he is going to be obligated to help her work through her feelings (which he must also feel - Rom 12:15). If her desires can not realign to an indefinite betrothal, then he will need to be doing some husband shopping for her. The nature of love obligates him to look upon her interests and to please her.
-----I have met men who have decided in the middle of their marriage to “give their lives to full service,” and more or less abandoned the needs of their families for “service” as preachers or missionaries. I have met preachers and elders who have decided that everything about the church must be changed to “better” serve their god. But our God is about more than heartlessly doing “things.” Mercy is one of His most often employed attributes towards man, and joy is one of His most called for attributes from man. We too often forget that the fundamental element of the generosity we all encourage of each other is the joy of the one receiving it. Our love is not shaped by our own demands. Nor can we shape it ourselves with our humility remaining intact. Love is shaped by the needs of the ones we love, and the Word calls us into action accordingly.
-----Indeed Paul told the man that he can make the decision to marry or not to marry his betrothed. But the rest of what Paul told the Corinthians, the Romans, the Galatians, the Philippians, the Ephesians, is that either decision he makes has obligations to his betrothed attached. Jesus agrees by the disdain He showed towards the idea of Corban. Whatever we do in this life we are bound to do it in love. I John demonstrates that love for God is validated by love for neighbors. That means we are bound to make our decisions with thoughtfulness towards those they effect, making compensation to those they damage, and thus doing the most we can to add to the joy in His Kingdom. We must never forget that the whole Bible is always a caveat to any single passage within it, and the love of one another is service to Him.
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