January 10, 2014
Assertive
In a letter to a newspaper advice column a woman
wrote that she is not a confrontational person, so she didn’t how to confront
an ongoing family issue. The columnist
prefaced her response with, “You don’t need to be confrontational. You need to
be assertive.” I love this change in vocabulary and thought. Many of us,
including myself, often confuse the two. Without going into deeper study on the
subject, my sense is that Scripture would have us be confrontational with sin and
the believer caught up in sin, but be assertive in matters of faith and
obedience. I’m wondering if my Christian character and witness might be
strengthened if were I to adopt these two words as my new best friends.
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1 comment:
Gail;
-----I believe you are close to being right on. I don’t think confrontation can be done without some assertiveness. You have to engage a situation in order to confront it. But there’s no engagement without assertion, for that’s what assertion is. It is to state, declare, demonstrate, or compel the recognition of something (Merriam-Webster.) But that something does not always have to be confrontational.
-----Let’s say the rule is to put an apple in the lunchbox. To be assertive is to simply put the apple in it quickly, before anybody else can get an orange close to there (the wise act.) To be confrontational is to assert that putting the orange in is against the rule, take out any put-in oranges, and replace them with an apples. Assertion does not necessitate confrontation like confrontation necessitates assertion.
-----I didn’t read this advice column. I don’t know how much it expresses beyond what you’ve relayed. However, it seems you’ve relayed the heart of the advice, which if it is the heart, reveals the column to be giving nothing more than a graceful “Fred Astaire” two-step around what this woman really needs to know.
-----What is of paramount importance is the truth of the matter and the logical demonstration of its validity, whether through confrontation or mere assertion. Jesus always confronted and asserted with clear truths of piercingly simple logic.
-----People aren't comfortable with truth, though. And this might be another thing the woman needs to ponder. Who in the situation, including herself, is aversive to the introduction of well reasoned truths? This question is important because truth is not only an intellectual matter. It is even more a spiritual one, because it has such far reaching effects. Indeed, it is a most profound spiritual matter because it has awareness. That is, one truth always shines light upon another, just exactly like one lie always leads to another. But since we are made of a mixture of truths and lies, getting tangled up in truth can light up what we don’t want cut out. That’s another aspect of its awareness. You become aware of each “next” truth by humbling yourself in transformation to the previous one. The trail of truth ends where you require it to humble itself to you, for that is your arrogant confrontation of it by your own subtle, light-swallowing lie.
-----And yes, you guessed it. Walking truth’s path in continuous humility, becoming aware of truth after truth after truth will lead you, at the Father’s designated point of that trail, straight to Jesus Christ, because He IS the truth. Thenceforth, the trail has not “been walked”, because it is still being walked in the new life. Christ does not end at conversion. Indeed, it will be walked for all eternity, because when the deceit of the Deceiver is put away from the presence of all those who now thirst for righteousness in truth, there will be no opposite of truth for ever and ever. There just won’t be any other way to walk, because that is what we are now choosing with our free-will.
-----Walking the line of truth in any situation is the only way to either confront or assert. It doesn’t have to be presented to the description of Jesus’ feet. That is awareness’ job. Walking it in love to the situation’s engagement is to do it purposefully for everyone‘s good, and affectionately for the best of responses. It may not solve the situation then and there (few situations are solved in one airing,) but if it is done in love, it will always leave slightly humble-flavored food for everyone’s further thought.
Love you all,
Steve Corey
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