May 30, 2014
Saving Face
In young adulthood my
daughter, Leslie, received a nasty-gram from girlfriend, and she kept the
letter. Later, when there was another rough patch in the strained friendship,
rather than taking all the blame, Leslie produced the letter to a mutual friend
who was acting as mediator. The letter helped put personalities in their proper
light, but the mediator was aghast that Leslie had kept the letter. She implied
that since everyone involved was a Christian they should keep no record of
wrongs and the letter should have been destroyed immediately. It’s interesting
that believers are quick to serve grace in order to let one another save face.
Thank goodness Timothy didn’t take Paul’s epistles and destroy them so there
would be no record of wrongs.
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1 comment:
Gail;
-----I am trying to break a very, very bad habit. I tend to call things like I see them, which is not the bad habit, but contains it. I say I tend to do this because I try to be diplomatic. And half of building the relationship of diplomacy is to always make available to your opponent a face-saving way out of his errors. But some things push my anger beyond any desire for diplomacy. All I want to do is lash out and destroy what is being destructive.
-----Since culture revolves around shared values at its core and drags along tolerated values out to its boundaries, stupidity is a giant cultural destroyer when predominantly shared. So I lash out at stupidity, ruthlessly calling stupid people stupid. How many times does Obama have to be caught red-handed in a lie before stupid people realize he is lying to them too? Our country is nearly destroyed by this. How long will it take stupid people to notice that the only difference between a newborn baby in its mother’s arms and an unborn baby in its mother’s womb is the baby‘s location, not its humanity? Many people’s imbecilic inability to know a baby is the same human being inside or outside the womb, ninety days from conception or ninety years out, has opened hunting season on more than a million innocent humans per year. It takes little thought to see the error. Things like these make me smoke between the ears! And that is very wrong. Smoking between the ears is God’s job in His planned day.
-----So that being understood, please understand when I say this mediator’s scolding Leslie for not destroying the note was next to downright stupid. I’m sorry. But it makes me mad. Love does not keep score. But love speaks truth. Keeping the letter was not in itself keeping score. Keeping score goes on in the heart, not in the file box. Evidence is a truth of reality. Often the only way to penetrate another’s bias with truth is by presenting evidence. A humbly open heart inclined to the right will sense when an adversary is amenable to the truth. Since evidence might be necessary in such a moment, then the maintenance of evidence will be to the servitude of speaking the truth, which is part of love.
-----It takes very little thought to notice an object can be held for either keeping score, evidencing truth, or both. That Leslie produced the letter and was accused of keeping score evidences that very little or no thought was used in making this assessment. Little thought is, well, not smart. More thought would have encouraged the proper purpose for holding the letter. A little more thought yet would recognize that every time an error is righted, with or without a bit of evidence, culture somewhat heals. And if culture were somewhat healed just a bit more often than somewhat destroyed, eventually we would have a pretty good place for loving and enjoying one another. Then, we must admit, church is a culture.
Love you all,
Steve Corey
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