January 30, 2008
Separation of Church and Family
Years ago my church had a pastor who was not only successful in the pulpit, but also very popular in the community. Over the years he gradually fazed his wife out of the worship scene and when they later divorced it wasn’t too startling. More recently, a pastor candidate made his wife’s position perfectly clear by saying, “When you hire me you are not hiring my wife.” Today’s church leaders seem intent on separating their ministry career from that of their personal family life. I suppose from the world’s point of view this seems logical and understandable. However, the Bible has specific directions for selecting and electing church leaders and some of those qualifiers fall squarely on the candidate’s wife and children. It’s as though a prospective leader ‘needs’ their family in order to meet the qualifications for a position, but once hired or elected, it’s a one-man-ministry. I’m not convinced that’s what Scripture intended.
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5 comments:
I have no knowledge of the earlier pastor you mention, but I do remember that pastoral candidate who stated that if the church hired him, they were not hiring his wife. It was, as I recall, in the context that a pastor’s wife is normally expected to teach Bible study classes and host women’s groups. As he pointed out at the time, she already had a job, that of raising a family. His comment at the time I believe was that if you were looking for his wife to teach a Bible study, “you were more likely to find her chasing a couple of children down the street”.
I believe her position, particularly her Biblical position, is one of raising a young family versus hosting a women’s group. Not that hosting the women’s group is a negative, but raising a family, which has to require a great deal of energy, is where her strength and attention should be placed.
I have to say that I respected that pastoral candidates position on this at the time, and I still do.
dbrown,
Thanks for joining the dialog and offering additional insight. It always amazes me that even when things are put in context we can still hear it differently.
Gail
dbrown,
I’m still chewing on what you had to say. Since I’m headed out the door to a writer’s conference, I’ll add another thought when I get back. I do absolutely agree with you that parenting and raising a family take priority over leading a Bible study.
Gail
Gail and dbrown;
-----I think we are conversing in a topic full of nuances. I do not know of any scripture directing a pastor’s wife to engage in teaching, in music ministry, or in leading other programs. Paul simply states that an elder is to have his household in good control. Attitudes of the past viewed the wife as a part of the ministry team, at least that is what I experienced at the Bible colleges I attended in the 1970’s. And I think those attitudes still effervesce a bit. Some couples certainly do work as a team, and as you are pointing out, others do not.
-----But I think Gail’s discomfort with the situation is a little more subtle than looking for scriptural support of such teamwork. I am not sure if it remains the same, but by the time I was cast from the fellowship there, the current pastor had dismantled the youth program and youth Sunday schools, expecting the parents to create and direct these activities themselves. Are their positions also not of raising young families versus creating a youth program? Of course they are. These parents are just as busy chasing kids down the street, and in some families, both parents must earn livings, neither being paid the comfortable salary the pastor enjoys. His approach certainly places no more requirement upon his wife to join such activities than it does upon the wives of the congregation. But does it place the same expectation upon her, since it does place that expectation upon them?
-----In one short expression, Peter emphasizes that the elder’s position is not of domination, but of example. With full respect to the nit, observe that he wrote this to the elders. But the principle also extends to the pastors. Christ lived that principle among us, being an example of submission to the Father rather than of lifting the sword of Allah. And Paul lived it. I don’t think I would belittle either the pastor or his wife for not exemplifying the practice he expects of others. But I know I would honor them more if they did, and I think people would certainly take his expectations more seriously. One caveat, though: I do not know what service for the church his wife may be performing behind the scenes and out of everyone’s sight. Maybe her service is great and all I have written is null. Perfect or not, they are on our side, and they are serving the Lord.
Dbrown,
I finally got back to this post.
I know of churches putting undue pressure and expectations on the preacher’s wife, and also on his children. For that the church is wrong. However, removing or eliminating a pastor’s wife from her husband’s ministry seems a kin to a presidential candidate saying his wife won’t play any role in campaigning and if he happens to be elected she’ll be an unseen First Lady. Wait a minute, on second thought, maybe wives should be separate from their husband’s careers. If I remember correctly when Bill Clinton was President Hillary informed the media, “We are the President.”
Gail
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