Our Sunday School class has been studying the parable of the prodigal son and we’ve had some interesting discussion from well seasoned believers. One class member stated, “It’s harder for me to forgive a fellow believer than it is to forgive an unbeliever.” Another commented, “Love your enemies…you made them!” I chimed in, “It’s easier for me to forgive someone who sinned against my neighbor than it is to forgive someone who sins against me.” I love the fact that we can honestly and openly share our weakness with one another. Believer, unbeliever, enemy or neighbor... “Forgiveness isn’t earned…it’s given.”
1 comment:
Gail;
-----OK. I don’t know, but I suppose everyone has some trouble forgiving. I try to examine the list of rotten things people have done to me, looking for anyone I have not forgiven. But I never can get very far into it, because it is the right hand column of my two column list. Being orderly in the way I handle my information left to right, I feel compelled to view the left hand column first. That is the list of rotten things I have done to others. By the time I have sampled a few choice tidbits from that list, I don’t feel so bad about what was done to me. My problem with forgiveness is that I then start feeling “so what, who am I to have no harm, anyway” about damage done to me. I come to be OK with it in my heart and desire to continue building a relationship out of whatever we have left with whoever damaged me. I don’t wait for an apology, and I don’t wait to express forgiveness. I just move on, albeit more educated and less likely to give opportunity for the same to be done again.
-----I don’t know if that is forgiveness, and this bothers me. Jesus said we will not be forgiven unless we forgive. So I take forgiveness very seriously. I believe the way I approach forgiveness is the backbone of it. But a body needs flesh and blood to live. After all, forgiveness is about both relationship maintenance and the validation of love. These mean my attitude about what was done to me and about who did it must be known to who did it, because relationship is a thing that dwells in two hearts, not one alone, and love is done from one unto another. So I am compelled to think forgiveness must be expressed to be complete.
-----Now we are at the heart of my difficulty with forgiveness. Whenever someone says, “Oh, gee! I am so sorry I did that to you,” I always go, “Hey! Its ok. Don’t worry about it. Look at me. I’m still alive and smiling. I am not ruined. And you‘re OK, too.” For some reason simply saying, “I forgive you, “ does not appeal to me. And furthermore, if someone never does bring an apology to me I never will go to them and say, “About that garbage you did to me the other day, its OK. Don’t worry about it.” I worry it might express judgment to them. I know I am being too linguini about it, but I can‘t find solid base on which to plant a ladder for scaling these walls.
-----So do I really forgive? I definitely do in my heart. I require it of myself. But that is only the first half. Have you ever driven to work in a car that doesn’t exist from the back of the front seat to the end of the back bumper? Of course not! Because half a car does not work. So how then can half a forgiveness work? It is for both hearts, not just one. It is for a whole relationship, not just a half. My lists needing my apologies and my forgiveness are both so long. And I don’t even begin to have all the addresses and phone numbers. Woe is me.
Love you all,
Steve Corey
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