August 01, 2012
No Betrayal
My niece, who I haven’t seen in over three years, was in town and some
of our family got together for a quick lunch at a local fast food restaurant.
The atmosphere didn’t lend itself to an in depth discussion, but I did learn
that at age 45 she is living with an older man whom she calls her boyfriend. She
is a grandma, compliments of her eldest son, and she allowed her youngest son
to be adopted by her mother. Later that evening I emailed all the cousins to
bring them up to speed on the brief mini-reunion and there was a fleeting moment
the word gossip crossed my mind. I did some soul searching and concluded that
what I passed on was not gossip, because she shared it openly. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a
trustworthy man keeps a secret.” (Proverbs 11:13 NIV)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Hmmmm. It might have been gossip. Unless, well, are you the designated family historian?
I mean, is it your role to "email all of the cousins" and fill them in on the latest family news? Had they all requested that you email them as soon as you could to tell them about the lunch and how your niece is doing?
I don't know your family dynamics, you see. A group email could be a loving attempt to keep the family connected and supportive of one another...or it could just be dishing the dirt.
You and God can determine the motives of the heart. Little posts often fall short in that department.
Your niece sounds like she needs a "well" encounter with Jesus. I'll pray that He crosses her path soon.
Deb
Gail;
-----Gossip is difficult to recognize. Simply stated, it’s passing along intimate details. But that generality breaks down in the face of differing specifics. Situations call for information for particular purposes, and some purpose are good while others are bad; it goes without stating. The same information can pass from one party to the next not as gossip, because the purpose involved effects good to everyone touched. But the same might pass from the next to yet another as being gossip because of some unbeneficial purpose for its passing. Then even passing information for a beneficial purpose can be gossip when the information’s subject does not want it divulged. I like to subject information to a cascade of categorizations before I consider it not gossip and pass it along. Obviously the first, is the information about me or someone else? Next, does the information’s subject desire it to remain secret? Then, is divulging it beneficial to everyone involved? And finally, is there a substantive purpose for relaying it? Even though I sometimes carelessly pass along details without subjecting them to this cascading test, I never feel good about having done so. More often I do the test before speaking. Usually I find at least one blocking red-light somewhere in the process.
Love you all,
Steve Corey
Deb,
Some of those thoughts crossed my mind, so I did do a Spirit check before I wrote to the cousins. Actually, if had I wanted to dish the dirt I would have dug a little deeper…just didn’t want to go there!
One thing I love about Scripture is that it doesn’t gloss over the indiscretions of characters like David, Solomon and Rahab. Where would the story be if we weren’t told about the woman at the well’s marriage history or Peter’s three-time denial of Jesus?
Certainly I didn’t have to write to the cousins at all and I could have just let this niece stay in the family estranged file. Or I could have written, “She really didn’t have anything to say, she looked fine…I guess she is doing well.” The reality is that unless the family knows some snippets of her life, none of us would be adding her to our prayer list.
She did accompany her grandmother to church that morning and the sermon had ‘well encounter’ written all over it, so you never know.
Gail
Steve,
In some respects I like your test idea, but then I think about the Biblical examples, such as the woman caught in adultery or Judas and his 30 pieces of silver. Certainly it would not be beneficial to the woman, Judas…or even their families to have their situations be talked about. But regardless of whether the incidents are second or third hand, would they be considered gossip – either in that generation or in ours?
Gail
Gail;
-----I’ve always marveled at the brevity of the Scriptures. They tell good stories, and often they engage very small details. But everything they say is to a point, and they say no more than what it takes to make that point. Whether intended or not, this extends as much privacy to the people involved as possible. But when it comes to God as the story teller, we must realize that He is intimately involved in every last detail of every last event of every last creature that has, or ever will live for even the briefest moment upon this Earth. He does not necessarily share moral responsibility in them, but He certainly gives them the ok to happen, at least. “A man’s steps are ordered by the LORD; how then can man understand his way?” (Prov 20:24) In this sense, God exists in a category of His own: all events are the Lord’s, having had His direction. So they all are about Him. Therefore He is more the subject of every event than is the doer of the event, making the choice to reveal the event rightfully His. God is love. Everything He does is for the benefit of everyone involved. Of course, that is difficult to say about what He has in store for Satan, the other rebellious angels, and any man who follows these. But their just rewards are indeed earned. God’s rejection of them has been only through the occasion of their rejection of Him. If they had not rejected, they would have continued in Him, because God does not reject anyone who accepts Him. So the Word does benefit everyone. It is not God’s doing that some have twisted the truth such that the Word’s benefit becomes to them detriment. Therefore everything divulged in His Word is beneficial. And finally, there is no communication more substantively purposeful and pointedly directed towards that purpose than that of God’s Word. The brevity of the stories, I think, show great mindfulness of individual privacy in that only those details relevant to God’s purpose are divulged. All the other things we are so curious to know have remained hidden behind the veil of secrecy for the privacy of the parties involved.
Steve
Steve,
I agree. God has revealed what we need - no more and no less. However I can’t help but sympathize with Peter when not just one, but all four of the Gospel writers recorded his denial of Jesus. Talk about putting your failure in neon lights.
Gail
Post a Comment